Fair Hearing in Parenting (1)

Fair Hearing in Parenting (1)

            Direct your children onto the right path,

and when they are older, they will not leave it

Fair Hearing in Parenting

Parenting is a cumbersome but at the same time an interesting assignment.  Training a child is particularly difficult unless God comes to parents’ aid. This is because children change according to the level of their development and exposure.  The rules that are effective in training children between the ages of 0 and 12 are far different from the ones that are applicable to teenagers and youths. 

And many different approaches are provided for by the Bible some of which are: ‘the rod’, advice, counseling, and so on.  Of all the instructions, the one that appeals to me most as a parent is the one that says “children obey your parents so that your days will be long in the land that the Lord has given to you” and “parents’ do not provoke your children’.

 These rules form the “equilibrium’ in the training scheme both for the children and their parents alike.  For instance, beating the children will not solve the problem if parents themselves provoke such children. 

Parents that lay bad examples for their children to follow and then beat them for committing the same offence are only provoking such children.  Parents who don’t provide for their children’s advancement in life and are blaming them for not doing well are only provoking such children.  Parents who do not give fair hearing to their children matters affecting them are not training but provoking such children.  

“They are both 17 years old so unguarded application of the ‘rod’ will surely harden rather than achieve the desired results.  So we decided to dialogue with them.  We reviewed the situations together and finally we asked them to write us essays on how they thought they could overcome their problems. In other words, we gave them fair hearing because we felt that unless we involved them in the process of resolving their issues, we cannot succeed in helping them..!”

I have noticed particularly in two of my children (one male the other female), that they have two major difficulties which are giving us parents concern. The male child had difficulties recording a breakthrough in his academics while the female has issues being slow in whatever she does such that it became worrisome to us as parents.  After thorough examinations, we observed that the two issues bordered upon time-management. The boy needs to know how to manage his time to attain effective studies that will give him academic breakthrough. The female needs to manage her time so that she will do things within reasonable time. 

They are both 17 years old so unguarded application of the ‘rod’ will surely harden rather than achieve the desired results in them.  So we decided to dialogue with them.  We reviewed the situations together and finally we asked them to write us essays on how they thought they could overcome their problems. In other words, we gave them fair hearing because we felt that unless we involved them in the process of resolving their issues, we cannot succeed in helping them! 

The two of them produced these two amazing, revealing and parent-inspiring  articles:

THE GIRL

Title: The Reasons Why a Child Should Keep to Time

There is a Yoruba adage that says’’Ilu ti ko so fin,ko si se’’ (meaning, where there’s no law, there’s no crime) .A girl-child  who is under her parents and claims to be a responsible Christian needs be wary in her ways. She should particularly be conscious of keeping to time in everything she does – time management.

She who does not keep to time leaves her parents with anxiety all the time, which is not good particularly when she calls herself a Christian. Her YES should be YES and her NO NO.  Her not keeping to time, particularly when she is sent on errand or she goes to school or church or wherever she goes gives room for dirty thoughts about her by her parents which can make  them doubt her integrity and this can create serious friction between her and her parents.

The Bible passage which says’ a bad child is of the mother, while a good child is of the father’ this implies that a bad or wayward child brings nothing but shame and disappointment to his or her parents. And as we all know’ a good name is better than silver or gold’. I as a person and a (parent to-be myself) will not like to have a child who doesn’t keep to time because it makes it hard for me as a parent to recommend such a child to any organization or anybody for that matter.

Finally, a child who is having difficulties in time keeping should be assisted by his or her parents to avoid future problems which will be accountable to the parents later in the future. I strongly believe such a child needs to be cautioned and backed up with prayers. No gender is left out in this discussion, we all need the consciousness and the Holy Spirit who the greatest teacher to teach us on time management and so help us God

I think with this little I have written, I have been able to list the little but few problems that bring about doubt and dishonesty between parents and their children. (to be continued tomorrow)